I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
