I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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