if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
