Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
