i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
