At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
