dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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