what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
