The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
