It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
