One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
