I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
