Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
