I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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