i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
