i was rollin on her like bob the builder
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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