She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
