She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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