the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
