Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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