grandma shit on top of the toilet
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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