is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
