Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
