On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
