I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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