As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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