It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
