Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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