from now on my penis is your penis
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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