Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
PANTIES FOUND
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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