It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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