ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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