Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
