THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
