i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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