i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
