Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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