why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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