I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
