just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
