I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
