Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
