I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
