Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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