I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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