Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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