Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
