the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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