Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a search helicopter?!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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