my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
