awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
