drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
