were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize