Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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