hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
