she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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