my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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