You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
