After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
