Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
