she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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