Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
