neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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