We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
