3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
