this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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