yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
