grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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