Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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