You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
