So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
