U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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