road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
