At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
