Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize