His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize