I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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