Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
