I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
