Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
